IN A FIT

Reality dawns at the most unexpected times and is followed by a variety of emotions - realization, regret and resolution. To me, it dawned in a 2X2 pigeonhole, brightly-lit with mirrors all around. I was there alone like in a transit camp before the judgment - to heaven or hell. The breathing was uneven and it was impossible to hold on to the truth very long...it slipped out of my hands and collected around my ankles. This too won't fit!!! Reality Strikes.

I felt a bout of claustrophobia. The waistline gave a sigh of relief and expanded generously as I wondered how and when did it all happen. But the ordeal was not over. I had to step out of the changing room to announce to the world that this too won't fit to which the dandy standing outside will give a sheepish smile and suggest that I buy shirts instead of trying out trousers as if going around wearing only shirts is in vogue.

For many months now I think most of the mall owners have become racist against us - the amply built ones. Ever thought, why the largest of the size is always at the bottom of the rack and you have to almost touch your toes to fish out just five odd options in trousers?

Some of them announce in advance, we don't have your size. Plain curt.

I remember a friend of mine trying out denims at a fancy store in his neighbourhood and suggested size 36 waist to which the cool dude bent his neck sized him up and said like a savant - "unkel 36 to nahi aayega," (uncle size 36 won't fit you).

Rewind to my school days when you had to buy your school uniform from designated shops. Around May-June, you would find the back-to-school crowd thronging these stores which did not have air-conditioning those days.

It was a common sight to find a lanky shop attendant sweating profusely, trying to pull up the shorts over the oversize bums of a chubby lad while his XXXL parents hopefully looked on. "Bhaiya yeh bhi fit nahi hoga?" (Brother, this too won't fit) the concerned mother would say to which Mr Reed would reply , "Woh kya hai na madam, baba jara healthy hai," (It is like that madam that the kid is a wee bit healthy). Underline underline- Healthy. Not fat. But today at the most swankiest of stores - the counting ends at 38. I guess the last best option is to go to expecting mothers' store and ask for a pregnant fit or simply buy shoes. Shoes don't discriminate.